Lager And Lime

3 weeks

Little O has been in our lives for 20 days. These 20 days can pretty much be divided exactly in half between amazing/blissful/easy and difficult/traumatic/exhausting. You can guess the phase we're in now.

It started with the  hospital stay which was horrible for all of us. It was incredibly exhausting trying to take care of Owen in the hospital when I myself wasn't even back to full speed yet. Watching him get poked and prodded constantly (spinal tap, catheters, IVs) added a huge layer of stress and melancholy on top of the exhaustion.

But eventually we were freed and allowed to come home... But nothing was the same. I don't know if the hospital changed Owen's disposition or if things would have changed anyhow, but our super chill dude now screams and SCREAMS and only sleeps with great effort. He throws up constantly and I've been forced to adopt a dairy-free diet again.

Where are we now? I'm trying to decide whether I can handle breastfeeding another baby with a sensitive belly. Leaning towards no, but feeling all kinds of guilt about it. We're trying out all manner of swinging/rocking/vibrating devices to see if we can find something besides our arms where Owen will sleep. I'm slowly catching up on life - getting your phone and internet turned off because you forgot to pay the bill is a good wake up call. And basically just surviving. The good thing about baby #2 is that I have perspective I didn't have the first time around. I know everything is a phase and this all shall end some day soon.

Deep Breath

I've got a lot to write about. But I haven't quite processed everything and it feels overwhelming so I'm going to start with 3 sentences about each topic to get myself started. Indulge me...

The Birth: When he finally decided it was time, it was a race to the finish. 90 minutes after my first contraction, I was holding my beautiful 11 pound boy in my arms in the birthing pool at home. Miraculously I didn't need any stitches, but an hour after birth I began to hemorrhage and we had a scary finale to the birth story.

The Hospital: Irony of ironies - after my natural home birth, we just spent 5 days in the hospital with our sick little boy. I've never been so scared as I was rushing Owen to the emergency room with a 105 degree fever. After days of heartbreaking tests, we now know he has a kidney defect which we will need to treat for the foreseeable future.

Postpartum Recovery: The body seems slower to resemble its pre preggo shape than it took with Spencer, but I still ventured to Old Navy today so I can ditch the maternity jeans. Emotionally I was doing excellent pre-hospital stay - not even the typical day of crying. But the hospital stay set me back a bit.

Life with 2: Sometimes Spencer helps with the baby. Sometimes he ignores the baby. All in all, he's been great and managing 2 kids is a little easier than I expected.

Life With The 'O' Man

It's only day 5 with my new little man, but in many ways it feels like he always been part of the family. An unintended side effect of the home birth is that we really bonded and acclimated much faster than we would have if these first few days had been broken up between hospital and home time. It's great because we've quickly settled into a routine, but it's also a little dangerous because it's easy to forget how new everything is. I'm tempted to do too much around the house and not take it quite as easy as I should.

Owen's a pretty chill dude though. He eats and sleeps and doesn't fuss much otherwise. Breastfeeding is still not coming easily to us, but it's better than with Spencer. Overall, the perspective of already done this once makes it all easier to take things in stride and not overreact with worry when things are going quite as expected.

Isn't he a cutie?

It's a ...

Sumo Wrestler!

I'm happy to announce the birth of Owen Parker. He finally decided to make his appearance last night at 11:45pm, weighing in at a hefty 11 pounds 2 ounces. We're all happy, healthy, and doing well. Photos and birth story coming soon!

You know you're hugely pregnant when...

I realize that at 41 weeks+ pregnant, I am quite a sight to behold. I'm quite possibly the most pregnant woman you've ever seen. I've gotten used to the stares, but it's the comments I can't quite swallow. It's amazing to me what people think is ok to say to me. I literally can not go outside without at least one person stopping me to comment. 

Here's a selection from just the past week...

"Woah. Do you need me to call an ambulance for you?" -- Security guard upon entering Ikea

"Wow. You like you're about to drop a load!" -- A different security guard upon exiting Ikea

"Are you going to have your baby on this bus? 'Cause if you are, I'll wait for the next one. I'm in a hurry." -- Woman waiting at the bus stop with me

"How many are in there? ... [Evil eye from me] More than one - right?" -- A mother at our block party

"Hey mama. You should go home and get some rest." -- The homeless man outside the grocery store. To his credit, he's been telling me this every day for 3 months and it gets less annoying as others' comments get more annoying.

"Wow. You must be due any day. Are you scared?" -- Woman in the grocery store

At least someone got to use the birthing pool

Officially overdue. Officially having contractions for over a month. Officially going crazy.

I reached my limit on Friday and decided I'd induce with castor oil. I called my midwife and she agreed I could do it. She warned it didn't always work, but given the state of my cervix, she didn't see how it wouldn't work for me. Famous last words.

If you're not familiar with castor oil induction, here's the quick overview. You drink a few ounces of disgusting oil and then wait to get sick. The movement of your bowels often stimulates contractions in your uterus. And if you're close to labor, this can be the jumpstart to getting labor moving.

So, yea, I took the castor oil. Apparently I have an iron stomach because I had to double up the dose in order for anything to happen. Eventually after like 6 hours I got sick. Then the contractions started. I had 4 hours of contractions exactly 5 minutes apart. But they never got closer together and they never got stronger and eventually I went to bed dehydrated and still pregnant.

I'm not sure what's next. I'm trying to be patient, but I am pretty sure I'm heading for some unwanted interventions next week if the baby doesn't come quickly. It's just a feeling. But, given the baby's size - at least 9 pounds (my guess) and my blood pressure and swelling, I think the baby will need to come out one way or another in the next few days.

 I'm feeling fairly calm now - Friday was my breaking point. Lots of tears. Zen has now returned. At least for the moment.

Tick, tick, tick

I've ridden a roller coaster of emotions this last month as I've waited for the baby to come. I've now left the depression and anxiety behind and can see the humor in the situation. And I am now ok with being pregnant forever. When else will people give me free cookies after telling me how incredibly huge I am and staring at me like I've escaped from the Coney Island freak show?

Seriously though, I do feel better in some weird way. I guess maybe I've just gotten used to things being this way. My midwife came this morning to check on me and I'm now 5cm dilated. I find it all so strange and hard to believe because I remember how hard I had to work to go from 3-5cm with Spencer. It was 8 hours of steady, hard contractions. And here I am, already that far along with only a scattering of inconsistent (though sometimes strong) contractions to show for it.

I'm also showing some signs of pre-eclempsia, so she stripped my membranes again to try to get things moving. It's not enough yet to worry about induction, but delivering the baby would definitely help matters all around. And in the meantime, I'm to recline as much as possible since that lowers my blood pressure.

We haven't gotten around to buying any mirrors for our apartment yet. We just have a small mirror we hung in the bathroom to assist with hair brushing, shaving, etc. I took the mirror down last night so I could check out the stretch marks which are creeping at an alarming rate aound my belly. And you know what I discovered? I'm HUGE. Crazy big. I don't blame people for staring at me with wide eyed wonder when I go out for walks. Maybe I'll even stop giving them the evil stink eye in return.

Tick, tick, tick.

39 weeks. Still no baby.

Today marks 3 weeks of being in "any minute now" baby mode. Either this baby is stubborn or shy.  He loves to tease me, but in the end stay put. I must have one comfy womb.

I asked my midwife to do an internal exam and strip my membranes on Tuesday - two things she normally doesn't do. But, I had started a prescription painkiller on Monday, which helped me with my back pain (which had gone into unbearable territory), and I wasn't too comfortable taking narcotics while pregnant. I explained that I'd rather intervene to try to start labor instead of continuing the drugs and she agreed. So, she was able to tell me that I'm 3 cm dilated, the baby is very low and by all accounts my body looks ready to go into labor. In fact, she was sure I'd go into labor that night after the membrane stripping. But, obviously that didn't happen.

The fun continued yesterday. I would have bet a lot of money last night that I would have a baby by this morning. I was in bed all afternoon with cramping. Contractions started at around 5 and they were strong. I felt like I'd zoned out and entered a new dimension, sort of floating above everyone. But, despite their strength, the contractions never got consistent. 10 minutes apart, then (BAM!) 2 minutes apart, then 6 minutes, etc. I crawled in bed at 10:30 to get some rest for what I thought was to come, but when I woke up at 2, I was no longer having contractions.

The emotional side of the waiting is WAY more difficult than the physical side at this point. All these stops and starts. And I've lost faith in my body - I don't understand it anymore. What is it doing and why?

The waiting is the painful part

Imagine a long weekend where you're constantly being told - go lie down. Don't clean that. Can I get you anything?

If this were happening at  5-star hotel while on vacation, I'd be writing a rave review of the fabulous, relaxing time I had.

But, no, this is baby watch 09 and the physical and emotional stress outweigh any perceived benefit of being waited on by my dear hubby (who totally deserves some kind of reward).

Friday afternoon, I spent an enjoyable, but uncomfortable 3 hours at a playdate with Spencer. I knew I probably shouldn't be sitting on the low bench with no back support, but I was too much of a wuss to ask for a proper chair. When I got up for my last bathroom break before heading home, I felt a piercing pain in my back and I've been basically confined to my house (and bed) since then.

I've had more contractions, but nothing is building up. It's frustrating and disheartening and I have moments of despair where I think the baby will never come out. Then I go eat some cookies and medicate myself.

On a pain scale, my back fluctuates from a  6 or 7, when I sit perfectly still to a 10 when I attempt going up or down steps. I had a midwife visit today and she is cheering for me to go into labor any time (despite delivering 3 babies this weekend!). She estimates the baby is 7.5- 8 pounds and can come out at any time now. So, I'm heading to my first ever chiropractic appointment in an hour to try to help the back pain and get me ready for the big event. Come on baby!

Contracting and Relaxing

I'm not very good at relaxing. Downright horrible at it, but I'm trying my best. I had contractions Thursday afternoon (while taking the afternoon off work and watching Star Trek - future JJ Abrams fan?)  and then again last night. My midwife wants me to make it to 37 weeks, so for the next few days I'm supposed to rest and stay well hydrated.

It's hard though! The baby could be here very soon and I'm supposed to not try to cram the 100 things in that I want to do first? It's all dumb, nesting related things that really don't NEED to be done, but try telling that to my crazy hormone-riddled brain right now that the laundry doesn't need to be put away NOW.

This pregnancy does seem to be following the same end-trajectory as it did with Spencer, just a week earlier than with him. Three weeks ago at my last midwife appointment I was measuring normally and then yesterday I was measuring big. She estimates the baby is at least 6.5 pounds so it would be ok to deliver now if it were to happen. It's just recommended to get to 37 weeks if possible. So, that's what we're doing.

I'm kind of, sort of ready. I think. I wouldn't mind having at least 1 more day at work to tie up some loose ends.  Our yard is supposed to be excavated this week to remove the lead, so I'd like to avoid laboring while they're carrying dirt through our apartment. But, it's not my choice, so I'll just try to be chill and keep drinking my water. And then peeing every 5 minutes as a result.

The belly this week: