Last night at dinner our conversation inevitably turned to sleep - specifically our son's erratic nighttime sleep patterns. I tried to make my husband us feel better by making some broad statement like - "Well every baby has their 'thing.' All those other parents telling us how their babies are sleeping through the night are dealing with some other issue that we're not. Sleep is just the issue we've been dealt."
Seemed logical, but I hadn't really put any thought into it before. My husband questioned me on it - "Like what other issues?". Put on the spot, I started thinking of all the new moms I've met and what sorts of things they've mentioned between gloating about all the great sleep they get...
- There's that one baby who has a flat head on one side from sleeping too much in the same position. Spencer has a beautiful round head from sleeping in our arms so much.
- Or, this other baby who is still pooping 7-8 times a day. Thank God Spencer only poops once or twice a week now. I don't miss those poopy diapers.
- Or that baby who hates having a wet diaper. Can you imagine if Spencer cried every time he wet his diaper?
- Then there's the baby who will only sleep in her crib. When her mom comes out for coffee they have to go home as soon as the baby gets tired. Whereas our Spence is very portable - he'll sleep anywhere when he's ready including in the stroller next to us while we enjoy a nice dinner out.
And those are the small things going on with otherwise healthy babies. I know there are moms out there dealing with much worse - birth defects, developmental disorders, and more. We have a healthy, happy, thriving little boy and are grateful for that every day. And while we are struggling with sleep in this household, we need to keep it all in perspective. Every baby comes with its own unique set of challenges - even the best of them.
That said, I think sleep is one of the tougher issues to deal with (and not just because we're so tired all the time). Nobody is going to go up to that mom whose baby has the mishapen head and ask her how head re-rounding is going and then tell her something she should be doing to make it go better. Nobody is judging the mom who is changing the poopy diapers 7 times a day and telling her she must be doing something wrong if her baby is still pooping so often.
But, sleep is a topic everyone asks about and everyone has an opinion about. There's very few people I talk to who don't ask about sleep within the first 2 minutes of our conversation. "So, how's everything going? Getting any sleep?" If I tell the truth and tell them sleep is still evasive many nights, they have some advice like "You need to keep him up more during the day so he's tired at night." Gee thanks. I hadn't thought of that one.
Would I like to get more sleep? Yes, of course. Does the lack of sleep cause some tension in our household? Yep. Am I jealous when other moms tell me about their baby sleeping 8 hours a night? Without a doubt.
I think I'll stop answering people's questions about sleep so literally. I'll treat it like you do when someone asks you how you're doing - "Fine, and you?" I'm not going to share the details because by sharing it just makes sleep into a bigger deal than it is. The fact is that we're getting by. Spencer is a happy kid. We're proud parents. Sleeping through the night will come when he's ready. Until then, I won't be answering sleep questions. But you better believe I'll be gloating when he starts sleeping through the night.
I think you have the right attitude. There's not a lot you can do at this very-young age except roll with the punches - they're gonna do what they're gonna do (sigh... also true for my colicky wee'un.)
Posted by: Abby | January 16, 2007 at 03:25 PM